Tommy Bedlam: Enter the Yeti

How did I ever find myself stuck in the Himalayas, freezing my ass off to the musical stylings of a tonedeaf yeti with a fetish for The Violent Femmes? Well, maybe it wasn't the Himalayas, but the band's practice space was pretty damned cold. To be honest, I really shouldn't call my girlfriend a yeti, but what can I say other than, "You sound great, baby." when what I really want to do is have her vocal chords removed like a noisy dog. I guess I shouldn't hook up with people when I'm stoned. I always regret it later. I set thoughts of both abominable snow-girlfriends and abominable music aside as I slipped quietly out of the converted storage space to have a peaceful smoke in the fresh air.

It wasn't meant to be. The last leaden notes faded off before I could finish a single cigarette. I heard the metal door clatter as it was drawn up. The footsteps, light as they were, must have belonged to Jim, the guitarist. Jim is a stick of a man, always wearing longsleeve shirts to hide his trackmarks. I unconsciously fingered the scars on my own arm, then stopped when I realized what I was doing.

"Hey Tommy. I've got some new stuff at the house. You and Gina want to come over and have a taste?"

I resisted the urge to hug my arm again, pierced so many times in the past by the dragon's teeth. Instead I just stared into the cloud of nicotine before me. For a split second I thought I saw the words Go Home Thomas in the heavily curling smoke in the air. I shook my head and the vision scattered with the breeze stirred up by the motion.

"Maybe later," I heard myself saying, "I need to go home and get a shower. I have to meet with my Probation Officer today."

I left them all, including Gina, to the dubious entertainments they had planned.

Funny, I don't think I'd have ever used the word "dubious" in regular conversation before my OD. Come to think of it, lots of things had changed after my trip to the hospital in the bodybag express. Officially, I was DOA when the ambulance dropped me off, but a defibrulator and the power of modern medicine can indeed work miracles akin to Christ's resurection of Lazarus. Hallelujah!!!! Science be praised!

I was expected to be front and center at my case officer's desk in a little over 2 hours. So I hightailed it home. Hoofing it all the way on shank's mare, it took me a while to run home. I'm not in the best of shape these days. I was panting a bit by the time I got there.

My heart sank as I burst through the woods and saw a police car parked in the visitor's space of my apartment complex. They couldn't be here for me, but even as I thought the words, I knew them for the lies they were. Yes, the cops were there for me, I just couldn't for the life of me guess why.